Q: A friend who really hurt me recently reached out looking to mend our friendship. Do you think he/she deserves a second chance? – A. W.
This is a scenario I think everyone can relate to pretty easily. Friends are the people that you let get the closest, know the most about you and the ones that you know, or at least assume, would never do anything to hurt you. In fact, I’ve also recently had a friend who shattered my trust and our relationship, but has persistently tried to reconcile things. While I’ve personally decided that things are beyond repair between my friend and I, that may not be the case for you. But honestly, that’s something only you can know.
If you do decide that you’re willing to at least give this friend one more chance, here is what I recommend that you do. Enter back into your friendship slowly and with a great sense of caution. Remember, they have hurt you before, so what would stop them from doing so again? That’s not to say that you should completely block them out and make any reconciliation impossible, because then there’s not much point. Make sure that the first time you see this friend again you explain that the recovery might be slower than they’d like and that things might not be the same as they once were for a while. Above all, always be comfortable with your choice. If at any point you decide that making amends is something you’re not ready for, then say so. After all, a second chance is not a promise that things will work out, but rather you’re just willing to try.
Q: I’ve gone out on a few dates with this guy, and I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but it’s getting to that point where a kiss is probably coming and I don’t think I really want to kiss him. What should I do, suck it up and kiss him or tell him how I feel? – K. J.
This is a tricky one – you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but on the same token, you also don’t want to lead this guy on. If you’ve really liked spending time with him like you said, then maybe rather than dating him, suggest that the two of you would be better off as friends. It may sound like the cliche option, but even though there is that chance he may not be so keen on this idea, it is also possible that he’s not feeling that spark either. It definitely beats letting him think that things will progress into something greater. You might be surprised by his reaction and if this is the case, and it could turn out to be a great start to your friendship. One day you might even be able to joke, “Remember when we tried to date? What were we thinking?!”
If a friendship is something that you’d be interested in with this guy, then make sure you handle that conversation with care. Lead with a compliment, because let’s face it, no one wants to hear that they’ve done something wrong. For instance if he’s a big comedian, tell him that you love his jokes and that he’s really kept you laughing these past few dates. This way when you get to the “it’s not you, it’s me” part, and you can quickly add that you’d like it if the two of you could still try to have a friendship full of laughter instead. There’s definitely no reason to think that you two can’t work as friends, but keep in mind that he could turn your request down. With matters of the heart, there is never really any guarantee.